There was a time when everything was perfect. My parents had a cabin up north, and I would float in the lake on my water-skis, waiting anxiously to be propelled up and above the surface.

While I’d bob in the waves all alone, to keep my brain from imagining myself as the tragic victim of the first Minnesotan shark attack in recorded history (with the JAWS theme stubbornly ringing in my ears), I’d stare at one of the many candy-colored scuba Swatches I favored in the early 90s to keep myself calm.

For eight years now, I’ve lived without our cabin, and haven’t slipped foot into a water ski.

I’ve missed it all terribly, and so arranged for a family boating excursion later this month. To fully maximize my orchestrated nostalgia I just ordered an old but never worn scuba Swatch off e-bay to sport that day, and beyond.

It’s sea glass green, see-through band is perfect and the visible cogs and wheels on the face will give me something to stare at rather than mysterious, midwestern shark fins.

Playfully, I often turn the selection of a new scent into an ultimate death match-type competition. I’ll order a batch of sample fragrances from Luckyscent, then spray two different scents on me per day – the winner then going head to head with a new contender the next day until only one champion cologne remains.

I’d learned that with Byredo, if you sign up on their website, they’ll actually send you three scent samples in the mail free of charge. After flirting with their Fantastic Man and Bal d’Afrique fragrances last summer, the new pepper + leather based Baudelaire sounded worth a trysty test-spritz, and since they were out of one of the other scent samples I’d requested, Byredo kindly threw in a few extra vials for me.

Ladies and gentlemen, the competition begins now!

Sorry to have been so scarce lately. In the name of art, or at least entertainment, I’ve been busy pretending to be someone I am not. A Canadian from another decade who accessorizes like this:

Actually vintage Nikes.

Golden watches.

Semi-sunglasses.

And bland canvas belts.

Technically it’s a costume, but who am I kidding? If the shoes weren’t two sizes too tight, I’d be wearing it all in real life anyways, once shooting concludes.